Hey Joe Maddon,

I’m just a regular everyday Boston Red Sox fan. But after tonight’s win over your Tampa Bay Rays in the Trop, I have a few things that I wanted to say:

Joe, you and that ridiculous Rick Zacharias style dye job can go back to your big house in Tampa and sit down. Take your cowbells, and your “rayhawks”; take your veteran-pandering, bullpen mis-managing style and your wanna-be-contender giant sized head, and go home; take all your fair weather fans, and your 1970′s cockroach motel half-full ballpark, and the new and improved 3rd place Rays, and get out of Boston’s way.

Because the Red Sox are taking the AL Wild Card. I’m so sick of the grudge match games, and the talk about how scrappy the Rays are, and I’m tired of hearing the haters say Boston won’t make the playoffs.

Take your Father Knows Best glasses off, Joe, and watch the Red Sox in October on that big screen. You’re the Manager of last year’s ALCS champion team. And good for you Joe, but no amount of pool table felt on the ball field can help you now.

I’m tired of looking at your enormous head during the games, and I’m happy you’re where you should be. Which is watching the Sox play in October. I’m sure not starting Becks and Wakefield in the All-Star Game was nothing personal. I’m sure you’re completely professional that way.

In fact, Josh Bard just struck out  your big hero, Longoria. Why don’t you shave Longoria’s number into that great dye job, Joe? Show a little support for your boys as they languish away under you.

Here’s a guy who agrees with me. It’s a Tampa Bay Fan’s website. It took about 1.5 seconds to find after I typed your name into Google. Way to go trading Kazmir to the Angels too. Try adding brains to your head instead of jet black dye, next time.

Of course, this is just one Boston fan’s opinion. I’m sure the HUGE group of bandwagon fans in Tampa are 100% behind you Joe. You’re the man. Really.

And we’ll see you up in Fenway in a couple of weeks, Joe. I can’t wait to see what color that hair is next time.

It’s almost the playoffs, bitches.

So stay pretty, Joe.